


Love Me for Who I Am and for Who I’m Gonna Be

by pearlcaddy



Series: Julie the Vampire Slayer [5]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fusion, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Sexy Magic Lessons, Suggestive Themes, These Boys Have Some Magic of Their Own, apparently is not an existing tag? HOW RUDE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlcaddy/pseuds/pearlcaddy
Summary: All of his friends are getting these cool supernatural abilities and Alex is feeling pretty useless by comparison. With the apocalypse coming, he just wants to be able to contribute. A certain skateboarder offers to teach him magic and the rest, as they say, is—wait, why did no one warn him that magic involved holding hands so much?Can be read as a standalone. Technically aBuffyfusion fic, but you don’t need to know anything aboutBuffy.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Flynn, Alex Mercer/Willie
Series: Julie the Vampire Slayer [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977202
Comments: 67
Kudos: 253





	Love Me for Who I Am and for Who I’m Gonna Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lukesjulie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukesjulie/gifts).



> lukesjulie requested Willex learning magic and we all deserved that.
> 
> Title from “Big Plans” by Why Don’t We
> 
> This is my first fic focusing solely on Willex, so I hope I've done our best magic boys justice!
> 
> I've been struggling with motivation lately and just generally feeling a lot like Alex does at the beginning of this oneshot, so I just wanted to say thanks so much for all your comments/kudos/encouragement! It really means a lot.

**January 2016**

Alex has never thought of himself as a jealous person, but ever since Julie was called as the Vampire Slayer, he’s found himself getting hit by unfamiliar waves of envy and bitterness.

He gets that being the Slayer sucks, that Julie’s basically been handed a destiny to fight and die in a futile war against the forces of darkness, but at least she can _do_ something. When they learn about yet another impending apocalypse or about a big scary demon who’s trying to wreak havoc, Julie can pick up a weapon and march into that fight and save lives.

Reggie too. And again, Alex gets that it sucks—that Reggie doesn’t want to be a vampire, that he misses being able to walk in the sun and go to school and hang out with them whenever and wherever like he used to. That being given his soul back doesn’t change how much of his existence has been severed from society. But when the demons come a callin’, Reggie’s there with his superstrength and fighting skills, and he too can save the world.

Even Luke, who is a freaking ghost (and again, _again_ , Alex gets that he’s a ghost because he died horribly and prematurely), is corporeal to demons and he’s really starting to learn how to use his poofing ability in battle to great effect.

Alex knows that their powers are rooted in trauma and loss, but they have clear roles and abilities, and he envies that so much that he feels like he could implode. Even Flynn, who is supposed to be Alex’s fellow basic mortal, has an encyclopedic knowledge of action films, years of self-defense classes with Julie, and a sheer refusal to be cowed that makes her unexpectedly effective at both planning and executing battle strategies.

Meanwhile, Alex only seems to be good for donut runs. He has no powers, no skills, and no knowledge to offer. The world is going to end in seven months, and all he has is a lot of fear (and an unusual amount of advanced notice, which only helps ramp up the fear).

So yeah, maybe he’s sulking in the Bronze in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. (Why the nightclub remains open during the day, he’ll never understand. But it’s open and he’s not the only one there and so he’s not pathetic for being there, okay?)

He’ll get the donuts soon, and he’ll go back to the Scooby meeting to sit around being _fucking useless_ —he really will.

Just, like, give him five more minutes sulking in this booth without having to put on a brave face for anyone—

“Hey, don’t I know you?”

Never mind.

The thing is, he does know the guy in front of him and it’s kind of the worst. Willie is a former vengeance demon and Alex doesn’t really understand what a vengeance demon is or how one becomes a former vengeance demon, but what he does know is that Willie is unfairly gorgeous and has decadent hair and a perfect smile.

To make things worse, the only reason they know each other is that Alex once tried to get information out of one of the demon patrons at Willie’s bar with his infamous “gentler touch,” and Willie had to intervene to stop the truly epic ass-kicking Alex got as a result.

Alex is expecting Willie to mention either the ass-kicking or Alex’s relationship to someone else—maybe he’s the guy who’s friends with the Slayer, or the ensouled vampire, or the weird ghost—but what Willie actually says is, “You’re the guy who wears the fanny pack.”

On the upside, it’s specific to him and not embarrassing. On the downside, is that really his most memorable trait?

“I usually go by Alex.”

Willie smirks. “Yeah, I know.”

He knows??

“It’s Willie, right?” Alex asks as if he’s not sure.

The ex-vengeance demon grins. “Yeah.” His eyes scan Alex’s face, and Alex only gets a second to wonder how apparent his sulking is before Willie tilts his head, questioning. “You okay?”

“Just having a _minor_ existential crisis. On a Tuesday afternoon. As you do.”

Willie gestures for the seat across from him in the booth. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.” Alex straightens his back, as if that somehow helps Willie sits down. As Willie drops his skateboard and a giant backpack into the booth, Alex suddenly realizes the oddity of his presence here. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“I am.”

“I thought you owned a bar.”

“I have a lot of gigs. Except working at the bar, cause my employees have begged me to stop doing customer service.”

“Begged?”

Willie smirks again, and for a moment it’s really hard to believe that he’s a thousand years old, because he looks like a defiant teenager who’s just figured out how to duck school. “I have a habit of pranking rude customers with, like, spells and potions. And, you know, all our customers are demons so most of our customers aren’t nice. When you keep turning Polgara demons into rabbits, other demons get upset and they rampage and employees ‘don’t want that energy’ at work.”

Alex nods along, trying to look like he definitely knows what a Polgara demon is.

“Anyways, um, so, _minor_ existential crisis?” Willie prompts him.

“Yeah, it turns out there’s an apocalypse coming in seven months.” Alex doesn’t know whether he should have broken the news more gently, but Willie doesn’t seem too fazed—probably demons are used to the constant stream of apocalypse attempts. “We’re gonna try to stop it, so don’t worry. Or maybe do. We don’t really know what we’re doing.” Willie laughs, and something about the kindness and congeniality of that laugh makes Alex feel like he can be honest. “The crisis is less about the apocalypse and more that I only found out about vampires and demons existing five months ago. I kinda haven’t stopped freaking out since then.”

Willie is nice enough to not take offense. “I can get how that would be scary.”

“It’s not really that I’m scared. I mean, I _am_ scared, but I’ve always been a bit scared of everything, so in a way, knowing that demons exist is kind of validating?”

“Like you were onto something this whole time.”

“Exactly. The thing that’s actually freaking me out is that an apocalypse is coming and I feel like my entire role will be standing on the sidelines offering emotional support. Like, ‘A+ slaying, sweetie, you’re doing great!’”

Willie laughs again, and Alex’s heart skips a little. Willie’s one of those people who laughs with his whole body, like everything else in the world leaves for a second to make space for his joy, and it’s beautiful to witness. If only Alex could lose himself to happiness like that. 

The ex-demon leans forward on the table, as if imparting a secret. “I wouldn’t sell yourself short there. The Slayers I’ve known were kind of a mess. Probably needed some emotional support.”

“You’ve known some Slayers?”

“Yeah. Not super well though.” There’s something to the careful way he says it that’s eerily familiar, and Alex’s eyes narrow. “What?”

“I have a friend who’s known a couple Slayers. He makes that same face sometimes, when he’s trying not to reveal something about Slayers that he thinks will upset us.”

“Luke?”

“You know Luke?”

“Sweet kid. Well-meaning, enthusiastic.” That devilish smirk twists across Willie’s face again. “A little gullible, access to those deep Watchers’ Council pockets.”

Alex suddenly sits back, taking in the boy and the surroundings. “ _You_ ’re the warlock at the Bronze.”

Willie grins and leans back, spreading his arms like he’s been caught committing a crime he’s super proud of. “Like I said, I got a lot of gigs.”

Eyeing the backpack laden with what he now realizes are random magical artifacts with tiny price tags, Alex asks pointedly, “And one of those gigs is selling faulty magical trinkets to innocent people?”

“Hey, I never sell anyone anything that doesn’t work. Just doesn’t always work as expected. And that’s not my fault—that’s kinda the basis of magic.”

Alex shakes his head; he doesn’t know anything about magic, so he’s really not qualified for this debate. “You were _not_ saying about Slayers?”

Willie grimaces. “Look, I wish your Slayer all the best. Personally, I try not to get too attached cause they have… rough lives.”

Their whole friend group gets enough of the evasive euphemisms from Luke: he’s not taking it from Willie too. So Alex translates. “They die young and painfully.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

It’s not news. Alex is reminded every single time Luke looks at Julie, because it feels like Luke is already mourning her death. But the more people who remind him about the Slayer’s expiration date, the more he feels like he’s supposed to be pre-mourning Julie too and the last thing she needs is to be surrounded by people counting the days until she’s gone.

Willie seems to notice the spiral he’s sent Alex on, because he leans forward and grabs Alex’s hand for a moment. “Hey, from what I know about Slayers, the more friends and allies they have, especially in the field, the longer they survive.”

Alex only half-listens, his eyes and mind mostly fixed on the hand clutching his. It’s… a very pleasantly calloused hand, and he’s struck by the urge to turn his own hand over and slip his fingers between Willie’s.

Suddenly realizing what he’s done, Willie quickly retracts his hand. “Oh, sorry, bro.”

“No no, you’re good.” Alex tries to smile the correct amount—encouraging without being overly enthusiastic. From Willie’s answering smile, he feels like he gets the balance right.

“I guess that’s why I feel so useless right now,” Alex confesses. “I don’t feel like I’m a good ally. My friend Reggie, he’s a vampire—I guess you know that. And Luke’s a weird ghost, so it’s like everyone’s got powers but me.”

“Isn’t there another human who comes into my bar and beats up my customers for information?”

“Yeah, Flynn’s superpower is being Flynn. I’m the only useless one.”

Shaking his head softly, Willie leans across the table toward Alex. Alex is hyperaware of how close their hands are again.

“Not useless. Just haven’t figured out your thing yet.”

“I think my thing is anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really good at having anxiety. It’s just not the most useful skill in battle.”

Willie’s smile morphs into an appreciative smirk. “I think being funny might be your thing too.”

Alex would like credit for not jumping on the table and doing a victory dance, because a cute guy just called him funny in a complimentary way and dancing would be totally warranted.

“Thanks. But also notably not useful in battle.”

“Bro, just give yourself time. I’ve been alive a thousand years. Still don’t feel like I’ve figured out what my thing is.”

“That’s oddly comforting. And terrifying, cause I really don’t have that kind of time.”

Willie sizes him up for a second. “Have you ever tried magic?”

“Yeah, but Magic stresses me out because it’s all about conflict and I don’t really like conflict, and I also hate feeling like I’m sending my creatures out to die.”

Willie stares at him blankly. “What?”

Oh no, he’s just revealed himself as a grade A nerd. “Oh, literal magic. No, I’m just a regular human person.” Oh my god, why can’t he talk like a coherent human person?

“Regular human people can do magic. And it’s a great release too. Probably good for that anxiety.” Willie eyes him up and down as he says it, and Alex needs someone to explain how this guy has made talking about anxiety sexy.

“I’m assuming there’s not, like, a WikiHow article on casting spells.”

“Nah, mostly ancient tomes in dead languages.” The ex-demon’s eyes linger on him, and there’s that smirk again. “I could teach you, if you want.”

Um…

Yes please??

Magic lessons from the beautiful man?

But wait. “I don’t have money or anything. I couldn’t pay you.”

Willie leans forward again. “I’ll let you in on my secret. All the stuff I do—the bar, freelance magic—I don’t really do it for the money. Just trying to find my thing.”

“By charging people a lot of money?”

He shrugs, unapologetic. “We live in a society.”

“But what would you be getting out of giving me lessons?” He should definitely be suspicious of an ex-demon offering him free help—not to stereotype, but that’s not a thing demons do.

“You make me laugh. I’ll bring the spells, you bring the wit.” Willie smirks.

“Yeah, I wit.”

… or not?

But Willie just raises his eyebrows at Alex, in that way that seems like it could just be how he smiles but may also be flirting? It’s very confusing. Willie takes a pen out of his pocket and rolls up Alex’s sleeve. He writes his number on Alex’s arm—or Alex thinks that’s what’s happening, because honestly he’s much more focused on Willie’s fingers on his arm, and the light brush of the ex-demon’s hair trailing on his hand.

Alex should point out that it would be a lot easier for Willie to just type his number into Alex’s phone, but he’s definitely not going to point that out.

Willie smirks at him one final time. “Call me sometime.” He pops up from the table, throws his backpack on, drops his board on the ground, and skateboards out, somehow managing to look cool even though skateboarding indoors is objectively douchey.

It takes Alex a solid minute to calm his heart down. As soon as he feels like he can breathe again, he whips out his phone and texts Flynn. “911. 9-1-1!”

* * *

“Why can none of you just have crushes on regular people?” Flynn glares at him over her frozen yogurt, as if he’s deliberately trying to stress her out.

Alex groans and slumps further in his seat at the fro-yo shop. “You’ve become very anti-love.”

“I’m not anti-love. I’m anti-doomed relationships with sketchy supernatural creatures.”

“You think Willie is sketchy?”

“He’s a vengeance demon.”

“ _Ex_ -vengeance demon.”

“We don’t know that for sure. Luke can touch him. Once a demon, always a demon.”

Alex stabs his fro-yo aggressively with his spoon. “But he can’t be evil. His hair, it’s so… luscious. Evil demons don’t have luscious hair, right?”

Flynn sighs as she studies him, but generously chooses to ignore his nonsense. “What’s my role here? Do you want me to be supportive?”

Alex loves all their friends, but Flynn’s grounded, pragmatic loyalty is one of the things he values most. She has an uncanny ability to kindly but unapologetically cut through the bullshit.

“No, I called you for a reason. If I wanted someone to throw a parade and immediately come up with our ship name, I would have called Reggie and Julie. I called you because I need someone to be a downer.”

“I’m not a downer.”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “Every time Julie even mentions Luke, you call him ‘air.’”

“She needs the reminder!”

“The dude can barely look at her—her crush on him is going to have the half-life of a… thing with a short half-life.”

Flynn sighs. “Okay, so if you called me, you must be worried about something and you want me to talk sense into you.”

“I think he’s a honeypot,” he confesses.

Flynn does a double take, like she has a long list of potential concerns about Willie and this never occurred to her, so it must be ridiculous. “What?”

“I think he’s a spy for the forces of darkness and he’s luring me in with promises of sexy magic lessons so I’ll spill Julie’s secrets.”

She stares at him for a long moment, then puts a tragic hand to her heart. “Oh no, have I done this to you? Have I killed your optimism and sense of romance?”

“It’s the most obvious explanation.”

“Or he likes you.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Okay, so you think it’s more probable that a vengeance demon is offering you ‘sexy magic lessons’ as part of a spy mission to undermine a Vampire Slayer, than that a boy likes you?”

“Yes! Our lives have gotten super weird lately—none of that first thing sounds absurd.”

Flynn’s face softens. “But the second thing does?”

Keeping his eyes determinedly off of hers, he mumbles, “Why would he like me?”

She rests her hands gently on one of his. “Because you’re fucking stellar.”

He puts his free hand over her hands. “ _You’re_ fucking stellar.”

“I am, thank you. Look, if you’re genuinely worried about the honeypot thing, then just don’t talk about Julie stuff with him. If he’s trying to honeypot you, he’ll give up eventually.”

The optimism he’d felt in the Bronze when Willie kept smirking at him feels worlds away. Sighing deeply, Alex stirs his spoon listlessly through his now melted fro-yo. Flynn kicks his foot. “Hey.”

He looks up at her, and a smile curls over her face. “Willex. Your ship name.”

“I feel like I tricked you into supporting this because I got sad.”

She grins wryly. “Maybe. But it’s not the most doomed relationship in our friend group and I need something fun to gossip about. Just be careful, okay? If he breaks your heart, I don’t think I can take him in a fight. I guess we could ask Julie, but given the whole Slayer thing, that feels a bit nuclear.”

Alex laughs and, for just a moment, tries to convince himself that neither the apocalypse nor the boy situation are as dire as they feel.

* * *

“Okay, so I’ve thought a lot about this, and I think this is the best place to start.”

Alex eyes the wooden pencil that Willie sets in front of him. “You… want me to take the SAT?”

Now it’s Willie turn to look confused. “What’s the SAT?”

“An elitist human torture ritual.”

Honestly, Alex is just impressed that he manages to say anything coherent. They’re doing magic lessons at Willie’s apartment and, yeah, maybe they’re just sitting across from one another at his kitchen table, but something about being in the ex-demon’s home late at night makes it feel intimate and charged. Alex is trying to project casual and calm, but he is really not feeling it.

Willie grins. “See, I don’t get the joke, and you’re already bringing the wit. Nah, we’re gonna float it.”

“Float a pencil? Ooh, now I’ll definitely be able to save the world.”

Willie shoves his arm playfully. “Hey, you fight vampires. Helpful to know how to float wood.”

There are… just too many ways that Alex could respond to that. Flirty options, clever options, so of course what he goes with is, “I like floating wood.”

Literally, why.

Why is this—

Why.

But one thing he already appreciates about Willie is how he manages to enjoy Alex’s awkwardness without accentuating it. He just smirks and says, “Then I chose the perfect lesson for you.”

He reaches out his hands, palms up. “Take my hands.”

The problem with being told to take someone’s hands is that if your hands are already sweaty (because, say, that someone is really cute), you can’t wipe the sweat off without it being obvious, nor can you just take their hands without them feeling how sweaty you are. There’s really no good solution.

Alex settles for placing his fingertips gently on Willie’s palms and hoping that his nerves haven’t manifested too obviously on his hands.

“Okay, now look at the pencil. You need to narrow your whole focus until there’s nothing in the world but that pencil.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s the start.”

Alex nods, and tries to focus on the pencil.

The thing is, he’s basically holding hands with an almost offensively attractive guy, and it feels like the odds of him getting his entire focus on a _pencil_ are pretty slim.

Noticing his distraction, Willie rubs his thumb over Alex’s hand (WHICH DOES NOT HELP). “Hey, deep breath, okay?”

Alex lets out a shaky breath, but he can’t force his mind onto the pencil any better. He glances helplessly up at Willie.

“Alright, let’s try this a bit differently. You know what the pencil looks like, right?”

For once, he doesn’t make the sarcastic reply and simply nods.

“Okay, close your eyes. Then picture the pencil.”

Alex closes his eyes and tries to refocus his attention. Then he begins to feel tingling starting in his hands and spreading up his forearms. At first, he thinks it’s just a response to Willie’s touch, but then he realizes that it’s too floaty and charged. It’s… magic, flowing from Willie to him and settling on his skin like it’s always been there.

With the power tingling on his arms, he suddenly has the urge to lift the pencil, like an itch he needs to scratch. His heart suddenly contracts with sparks and he feels like the pencil is rising up from the table, coming to hover at chest height.

“Open your eyes,” Willie whispers.

Alex does, and the pencil is indeed hovering midair, precisely where he’d felt like it was.

“Oh, wow,” he breathes.

He pictures the pencil turning over, and it does, performing a lazy spin, instantly responsive to him. He pictures it spinning the other way, and it does.

Enchanted, he beams and glances to Willie, who’s staring at him with… well, if he was looking at anyone else like that, Alex would think it was awe, but people don’t look at _Alex_ like that.

Willie whispers again. “I’m not actually helping anymore. You’re doing that all by yourself.”

“What?” Alex exclaims, and the pencil drops abruptly, landing on the table with a loud thunk.

Willie chuckles. “Damn.”

“Sorry, I—”

“No, that was killer. For your first time? You’re a natural.”

“It felt…” Alex doesn’t know how to describe it, but one of his hands floats instinctively to curl up on his chest.

Willie smiles. “Yeah, that’s where I feel it too.” The ex-vengeance demon pauses for a moment. “Also, some people, they get really ugly magic faces. And, like, it doesn’t matter, cause do whatever you got to do to focus, but your magic face is…” He trails off, still staring at Alex in that weirdly intense way. “You won’t need to feel self-conscious about that.”

Then he tears his gaze away, and Alex could swear there’s a light flush on his cheeks. “Okay, you wanna try that again?”

* * *

The problem with magic, as Alex quickly finds out, is that spells get… involved. After several months of studying magic with Willie, they’ve escalated to spells that involve extensive chanting together in small magic circles while holding hands and maintaining intimate eye contact and there’s lots of sweating and sensations and to be honest it’s

A Lot.

Honestly, Alex looks back fondly on a year ago when his association with Latin was that it was boring and stuffy, because he’s now incapable of hearing Latin without thinking of Willie glistening and breathing heavily in a magic circle.

Willie never asks questions about Julie, and it’s starting to feel like, if he is a honeypot, he’s either very ineffective or very patient.

But also—and maybe this is just because Alex doesn’t cast spells with anyone else, so he doesn’t have a frame of reference—magic is such an intense thing to share. He can’t imagine casting spells with anyone the way he does with Willie, and he can’t imagine ever offering to teach anyone these kinds of spells if he didn’t feel...

But what does that mean?

Maybe a thousand-year-old ex-vengeance demon has very different ideas about personal space and appropriate interactions. Maybe it means nothing to him. Or maybe he’s flirting really blatantly and Alex is being super oblivious.

On some level, he knows he’s just making excuses, but if someone is going to make a move, surely it should be the guy who seems very confident and secure. That feels like a fair division, right? So if Willie is really interested, he would have said something by now, wouldn’t he?

Alex is so stuck in the mental binary of “he likes me or he likes me not” that he’s really not prepared for the third option when it appears.

They’ve just completed an astral projection spell, and it was… Willie had warned him that it would be really intense, but he really hadn’t been prepared for how intense. One of them astrally projects and the other acts as their tether to the physical plane. Alex doesn’t really know how to describe it, but it feels a bit like they linked their naked souls to one another and it’s definitely the most exposed, intimate thing he’s ever experienced. They’re lying side-by-side on their backs in the magic circle on Willie’s living room floor, panting heavily and positively drenched in sweat as they come down from the high of uncoupling their souls and magic, and the moment feels…

Alex doesn’t know from personal experience, but he suspects it feels post-coital.

There’s a tension in the air, as if now has to be when they talk about it. Because surely you can’t do _that spell_ with someone platonically?

“We’ve never talked about the elephant in the room,” Willie tells the ceiling, and all at once Alex isn’t sure whether he’s actually ready to talk about this. But Willie continues, and it’s really not what Alex is expecting. “I was a vengeance demon.”

Oh, that. Thank god.

“Yeah, I know?”

“I don’t think you do. I dunno how much you know about vengeance demons, but… I was a human before I was a demon.”

“Like Reggie.”

“No, Reggie was bit by a vampire. The demon in his body is the demon who killed him. I was a human who did something so heinous that demons recognized my potential and made me one of them.” Alex almost wants to ask, but he can tell from Willie’s tone that whatever he did is something that he’s buried so deep inside himself that he can’t talk about it without excavating all the layers of himself that he’s desperately constructed to hide it. “For the most part, I was a really bad vengeance demon. When people wanted vengeance, I’d steer them into making the most harmless wishes I could. But there were a couple centuries where I was a really good vengeance demon.” Willie’s voice positively drips with self-loathing. There’s silence, and Alex really wants to look at him, but part of him knows that looking at each other makes this real and they’re both trying to keep this conversation as distanced from reality as possible.

“How did you stop being a vengeance demon?”

“Last year, I granted a wish that turned unexpectedly gnarly, took a lot of lives, and so I undid it. There aren’t a lot of rules for us, aside from ‘wreak all the vengeance,’ but not undoing wishes is a hard rule.”

The pain and rage in his voice indicates that, again, there’s a lot more to that story than Willie is telling, something deeply personal and grief-laden that he’s nowhere near recovered from. For a moment, even without looking at Willie, it’s like Alex is finally glimpsing behind the flippant smirk and playful pranking of the youthful mask to see the thousand-year-old demon wearing it.

“Do you regret it?” Alex asks. He hadn’t given much thought to how Willie became human again—he’d assumed that it was some kind of supernatural retirement. He’s only now realizing how naïve that assumption was.

“I regret how it went down, what it cost everyone involved—not just the day of, but for the past millennium. But I’m glad I’m human again.” Alex’s hand twitches, longing to reach out and take Willie’s. “I want to be better, to atone. I want to deserve…”

Willie goes silent and Alex’s heart stops. So there is still one elephant in the room they’re not addressing. And apparently they’re leaving it unaddressed for now.

“There’s still that apocalypse coming,” Alex whispers. “If you want to atone, saving the world is a pretty good first step.”

There’s another long silence, and Alex waits it out. There’s some centuries old battle going on inside Willie and maybe he’ll never fully understand it, but he can be there while Willie fights it.

Finally, the ex-demon asks the ceiling, “What do you need me to do?”

* * *

Alex and Willie are off-site for the apocalypse, to lessen the chances that they’ll be targeted during the battle. There’s something weird about knowing that, across town, the mouth to Hell has been forced opened and Alex’s friends are desperately fighting the demons trying to charge out of it, while he’s here in Willie’s apartment as if they’re just having a regular magic lesson. How can something so devastating be happening when everything in here is so normal?

They’re in a spell circle, hands joined, desperately trying to cast a cancellation spell to re-close the Hellmouth, when Alex hears a loud crash. He opens his eyes to see a demon jumping through the closed window. Willie’s eyes widen, horrified, and he looks to Alex.

“You keep the spell going.” Willie tells him. “I’m going to hold him off.”

“What?? I can’t do it myself.”

“Yes, you can.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’ve been alive a lot longer than you. When I say you can, trust that I know what I’m talking about.” Willie shoots him an encouraging grin and pulls his hands away from Alex’s.

For a moment, there’s a small lurch, like if you’re running with someone while holding their hand and they let go all of a sudden, and you realize you have to propel yourself forward all by yourself.

But you find your groove, because it’s either that or demons take over the world. (That’s a universal experience, right?)

The demon charges at them with a snarl, but Willie leaps out of the circle and throws up a small force field around Alex, creating an impenetrable bubble protecting the magic circle. The demon smashes into the bubble and stumbles back. Willie grabs a decorative sword from the wall and keeps chanting the force field charm aloud as he rushes at the demon.

Alex has to close his eyes. He needs to focus on keeping the cancellation spell going or else the world ends. He can’t worry about Willie, no matter how—no. Focus.

It feels like hours—Alex has no sense of what time is in the bubble. There’s just him and the flow of magic sparking across his skin and the chants that he repeats for so long and so rote that his mouth starts to tingle and the words lose all meaning and he starts to wonder if this will be the rest of his life and then two hands gently take his.

He opens his eyes slowly, the chant still coming out. Willie is in front of him, covered in sweat, with several bloody gashes on his shoulders and face, but an encouraging smile. The ex-demon crouches and starts taking some of Alex’s magic into his own hands, and slowly they start to defuse the spell until it slips into non-existence around them. The two boys stare at one another, not breaking their gaze, Alex only peripherally aware of the dead demon lying on the floor behind them.

It’s probably only seconds, but it feels like minutes later that Alex whispers, “Did it work?”

“It worked. No apocalypse today, thanks to you.”

It doesn’t make sense. Alex isn’t the hero. Julie is the hero, Luke is the hero, Reggie and Flynn are the heroes. Not Alex. Not _Alex_.

It’s like Willie can read it on his face, because he tentatively reaches up a hand and strokes Alex’s cheek. “I keep telling you how powerful you are. When are you going to start believing me?”

“But what if you were wrong? What if I’d fucked up and the world ended?”

“I knew I wasn’t wrong.”

“But how?”

“Cause you’re incredible, Alex. I get that your friends take up a lot of room, cause they’ve got all these flashy powers and, like, supernatural destinies, but you shine so brightly too.”

“You’re only saying that because we only ever hang out alone. If you saw me in a room with them, I’d be invisible."

“No. No matter what room you’re in, you’re all I see.”

Alex has no idea what to say to that, so he defaults to defensive humor.

“Makes sense. I’ve been told that my magic face isn’t hideous.”

Willie slides even closer to him, and Alex might have to doublecheck with Flynn, but he’s pretty sure that this isn’t a platonic distance. “Can I be honest?”

“Of course.”

“Your magic face is, like, really hot.”

“Oh. Well, your regular face is really hot.” Is that a good line? He really doesn’t know how to form coherent sentences when Willie is this close. He runs his fingers through the ex-demon’s hair. “You, uh, you risked your life for me. And kinda saved the world.”

Willie leans back on his heels for a moment. “I did, didn’t I?”

“How’d that feel?”

A slow grin starts to stumble across the ex-demon’s face. “Kinda like it might be my thing.” Alex beams back. Then Willie shakes his head slightly. “I haven’t, like, fully atoned yet. That’s going to be a long, slow journey.”

In a fit of bravery, or maybe just the high of saving the fucking world and having this guy look at him like he’s the center of the universe, Alex leans in and presses his lips to Willie’s, gently, tentatively. A promise of more to come. Willie’s lips smile against his and try to chase his mouth when Alex pulls back just far enough to speak.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but we saved the world today. We’ve got time.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr as [pearlcaddy](https://pearlcaddy.tumblr.com)!
> 
> If you’re new to the series and want to read a little more Willex and a lot more slaying nonsense (plus Jukebox angst/fluff/banter), check out [Some Killer Queen You Are](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029152/chapters/65986420)!
> 
> Episodes of _Buffy_ referenced in this chapter:  
> • “The Zeppo”  
> • “The I in Team”  
> • “Selfless”  
> • “Hush”  
> • “Who Are You”  
> 


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